see beige scarf..sunglasses...
‘On the occasion of the 41st anniversary of the Al Fateh of September Revolution The Charge d’Affairs of the People’s Bureau of The Great Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya Mr X requests the pleasure of the company of…’
How often do you get an invite like that eh? We had to go.
The venue was Bravo on Eden Island and we’d been invited as the other one had taught one of the Ambassador’s kids. Our first proper embassy reception (not counting Brit ones)- and it was a dry one. So it was small talk over a glass of juice – I anticipated painful but in the event it was a fun and amusing night – well, I found it was. Others, being deprived of or in joyful ignorance of my often internal, and occasionally external dialogue, may have not found it so.
It started with the line up – the assorted VIPs arranged in a line [‘I have no sodding clue who these people are and they don’t know who the hell I am, I must smile and remember not to use my left hand at all. What’s this, they’re putting their hand to their chest in greeting do I do that too? What ‘s with the piggin news camera and oooh look fruit juice, mustn’t spill it, damn I should have brought the hip flask but then can you imagine getting chucked out of a Libyan Embassy do, no, just smile relax’].
Then the speeches… [ ‘What’s with the pictures on the wall, President Michel on one side and Colonel Gadaffi on the other, did Bravo have to put the picture hooks up especially? My god the interpreter is soooo boring and jeez is that wad of A4 he’s got the whole of the speech, I shouldn’t have worn heels, my feet will be dead by the time they’ve finished. The big screen with the televised celebrations in Libya is pretty good though, is that Gadaffi dancing at the front or someone pretending to be him? and I’m not sure that pretending to hang someone even if it is renacting the revolution is really a good thing, oi the other one, what do you think, is that Gadaffi?’]
My civic duty [‘ I just told you that there was a car in the car park with its lights on full beam and some poor bugger is going to leave and find their battery flat and there’s no AA or RAC here and you haven’t announced it. I mean I know it might slightly bring down the tone of the evening ‘will the owner of car reg S xxxx’ please come to the bar’ but really it’s a good deed and come on what happened to the socialist spirit of the 41st anniversary of the whatsit eh?’]
The food [‘Is it wrong to chase the person serving circulating with the canapes? I’ve committed myself now, I have to follow her but why doesn’t she turn round, I look like a stalker, *rap, oh hello commissioner, yes it is a lovely evening isn’t it, I was just wondering what the etiquette was about chasing the food? You’ve been to a lot of these things..what’s that you can’t hear me? Oh look, cake’]
The exit [what’s that darling, you think we should go? But just one more piece please? See the car’s lights are still on, honestly, I told them but you’re right at least we can see where we’re going. What do you think they’d have thought of my gadaffi look you know the sunglasses and the beige scarf I wear? No, I think you’re probably right, yes dear’]
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